- HAZEL -
By the ti I woke up, he was gone. My bed was nicely laid despite being on it and my window was shut. I couldn’t perceive his cologne and there was not even a single trace of him ever being in my room.
That sucked. I know he was here but it doesn’t seem so. I miss waking up to him in the morning. I miss not having to be conscious about my environnt when I’m in his bed. I sigh, staring at the ceiling. My hand rests on the cold sheets by my side. From this, it seed like he was gone long ago.
I’m too lazy and tired to get up or I’d have texted him to check in. I turn to the side of the bed, resting on my side. I wonder what he’s doing right now.
A knock on my door interrupts my thoughts. Who on earth will disturb soone this early in the morning? I shut my eyes closed, creasing my brows to fake sleeping. As long as my door is locked and no one can get it, I might as well be asleep.
The knock continues. It’s very persistent.
I mumble. “Go away.” I groan as tiredly as I can muster, trying to deceive whoever is behind the door.
Take it from , that person either doesn’t understand simple language or is begging to be hit. I’d say both because why on earth is he or she still there? With a furrowed brow, I crawl my way out of bed, wrapping my duvet over and securing a hold on it at the center of my chest with one hand. It is harder to hold stuff when my other hand is bound to a cast.
The mont I get to the door, I tilt my head till it falls on my neck to hold my duvet flimsily on my body to free my hand then I twist the key in the hole, unlocking my room door. The face that welcos from the other end makes my eyes twitch. My face flattens and I yawn.
“Have a death wish? It’s so early in the morning.” I murmur, my tone sleepy. I walk back to my bed, leaving the door open to let her in. “Lock the door while you’re at it.” I say and fall to my bed.
The visitor is Kate. I shouldn’t be surprised, she’s know my family in forever and she’s actually the one person they won’t deny access into our ho this early in the morning.
Good thing Killian is not here. That would’ve been a hassle to explain.
“Well, you look like shit.” Kate blurts out, joining on my bed.
“Well, take a guess, I just woke up.” I open my eyes to give her a good stare. She’s well dressed and looks nicely kept. I don’t know how she does it but ain’t no way will I be waking up so early to get myself well cleaned, taken care of and dressed when I have nowhere to be. “What brings you here so early in the morning?” I ask, shutting my eyes closed again.
“Normally, I’d like to beat around the bush but, you’re clearly exhausted.”
I nod, that’s my way of admitting that I’m listening non verbally.
A stretched sigh leaves her lips. “Can we talk about the n in our lives?” Kate asks. This question has my heart beating ridiculously in my chest. The swift way this happened leaves nervous but I don’t show it.
I sit up. “What about them?”
Kate flashes a stare. I can sense the hesitation in her eyes. I don’t know if this is where I push or let it rest so I choose the latter and wait for her to speak.
“Does he. . . touch you? Liam. Does he lay his hands on you in. . .” She takes a pause and her wandering eyes to the ceiling along with the poke of her finger on her chin makes it feel like she’s looking for the right word. “Pleasurable ways? Despite the kind of man he is.”
What does she an by ‘despite the kind of man that he is’? Is this where I ask or just listen? I don’t know what to respond to that. Is Liam the kind that seems into physical touch? I don’t know, our relationship is new to too.
I give a good pause to think before answering this. Kate and Liam clearly have been acquainted way longer than him and I have so she may know if I lie. Or not. She asking this may be proof of her genuinely seeking answers.
I let out an exhale, rembering every encounter him and I had since the night we t. He was flattering. Very gentle and the good kind of masculine.
He also held to him when he lied about us to Kate. . . . And even though it’s just two people I’ve been with all my life, I’ve not been in a relationship where my man has never been obsessed with touching .
I clap my fingers on my face, faking embarrassnt, like I’m hiding my flushed cheeks and nod slightly. “He does.” I say, an obvious lie but she doesn’t have to know. I avert my gaze away. It’s not like Kate and I haven’t had sexual talks before of our escapades, it’s just harder talking about it when I’m obviously lying and having what she’d tag as an affair with her fiancé. That’s fifty shades of fucked up to any sane person. “Why though?” I ask.
A sigh plays in my ears as she falls her torso backwards, resting her back on my bed. “Lucky.” Kate breath. “Killian doesn’t even touch .”
Oh.
My eyes widens. This sounds. . . Kind of hard to believe. . . How couldn’t he?. . . Kate is everything a man could ask for and want physically. And never have I seen him as a man who wouldn’t craze over his woman before. I’ve seen the way he is with . The way he so desirously takes , all of as his.
“What do you an?” I ask carefully.
Her head turns, resting on my bed but peering at . “Not once has he ever made feel good or beautiful romantically. No matter how hard I try, he never does. And the reason he gives doesn’t even make any sense.” She puffs air out her mouth, sounding distressed. “How does a girl feel pretty when her man won’t even lay his lips on hers? When he doesn’t even look at like he hungers for . I’m so tired, Hazel.”
My stomach churns in the worst way possible. Not because I understand where she is coming from, but because everything she complains about. . . He does to .
Why?
I can’t understand it. We’ve been. . . quite intimate since day one. In fact, the reason why Killian and I knew each other mainly was through sex. Now I find out that he doesn’t even look at her like he does with ?
How is that even possible?
What do I say to comfort a friend whose penury could be my fault to begin with? I don’t know.
“At first,” Kate begins, making empty my head of thoughts to focus on her. “I thought it was sweet. Giving the ti and space I needed, you know. Keeping my not so innocent self innocent, it only deepened a desire ever so strong,” she chuckles lightly, staring into the ceiling. “But now-“ a dead silence forms between our midst after this statent. This is waiting for her to speak and maybe this is her processing. “All I think about is why he doesn’t want the way I do. Am I so disgusting?” She mutters, her voice breaking.
The sob that resounds in the room alerts that she’s holding herself from crying. Her hands et both sides of her face, wiping underneath her eyelids down to the sides where tears could roll due to her laying position.
“It’s the worst feeling ever.” Kate sits up. I imdiately pull her in for a hug, clenching my arms around her.
There’s an etching feeling in my heart that’s full of desolation. I don’t even know what words of comfort to give because I feel guilty. I feel horrible.
“Why doesn’t he want , Hazelnut?” Kate buries her head into my shoulder. I run my hand down her back, patting her gently. “Why do I feel like he’s giving soone else all the attention he should be giving ?”
My heart skips a beat at her statent. I swallow, trying to breathe normally so my heart doesn’t race in my chest. The last thing I want is to raise her suspicion.
“If he is, I want to find her.”
My brows furrow. Every single ti I feel like I should open up about my secret, sothing just has to happen to make it difficult to. I don’t say a word, right now, it’s not about .
But. . . I have to co clean before Kate does any kind of digging. . . Because it will not end well.
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