- HAZEL -
Nothing seems interesting. Each day, I’m getting closer and closer to losing my mind yet I’m trying to get my act together.
No one really talks about how overwhelming it is to have to hide a part of you you’d love to talk about so much. How miserable keeping to yourself actually is. It’s saddening, hoping soone would be your shoulder to lean on but realising you’re all alone in this, having to fight it yourself.
It’s not new that I’m being threatened and going through the worst break up in my life. These past three days, today included, has made realise that wearing the depressed face on does not matter when you can’t utter a word, so I try to appear as sane even when I’m not. Nothing is sane around and I can’t even deny it.
Asami has kept her distance. She has not co near nor said a word to via text since then. I don’t know if this is her cooling off because she knows I’ve done what she asked or if she’s waiting for Kate to co. My bestie will be here in four days. What a ti to be alive.
I groan, rolling my eyes, making myself comfortable in my seat. My friends are seating all around and we form a circle. This is my own study group as exams is just a few days away, everything amounts to a week and a half but h, still a few days away.
My life has been super chaotic so I haven’t covered every single thing in my syllabus but I’m more than half way through. When the exam table is out, I’ll know which paper I’ll be having first and base my study on the first four subjects. This delay of the release of the exam table has been beneficial, part of thinks this will cause a stir and lead to a postponent which I’d be glad for. It’ll an more study days for and a chance to not fumble my grades hard. After all, my parents are anticipating and they’re not the only ones I have to make proud, Killian is also there. Having him as an ex is sothing I don’t want to dwell on, I never imagined it even though I should’ve giving the circumstances of his and Kate’s engagent. I just hope he hangs onto but I’m starting to doubt that reality. I’m starting to doubt all of it and that adds to my misery.
I let out a tired sigh. I just wish these events didn’t unfold and be a distraction. I’m so tired of everything. Literally everything. Apart from living though. A wry smile forms at the ends of my lips.
I enjoy living despite the hardship. It gives hope that things will get better.
Where the fuck is that manipulative worm when I need her to crawl around and threaten ?! She’s making my plan so hard. Texts would’ve been a good proof if she wasn’t using several numbers. Now I wonder if I should’ve bothered to crush my heart and spirit by ending things with Killian.
I’ve been trying to stay away from Killian in case she’s watching but it’s so hard. Every ti I wake up without having him by my side or with , my eyes soak with tears. Unending tears. I start my day with it.
I sniff, wiping the corners of my eyes with my palm. It is what it is I guess. I raise my head up to look at the ladies around , clearing my throat and hoping my eyes aren’t reddened. The last thing I want are questions I can’t give answers to.
“So, what topic is on our list today?” I ask, staring at the girls. They all look perplexed and are silent, staring at . Okay. . .
I guess I’ll check it myself. I shrug. With another inhale, the hottest, most expensive, masculine cologne I’ve ever scented and grown accustod to fills my nose. I’m slling him now? What else does nature have in stall for to break even more?
“Girl, you got to look behind you.” Nat points out, pointing a pen at . I swerve my head to the side. My eyes widens for a second and I hold I breath. Feelings I tried to bury away ca flooding in sighting him right behind .
Because I’m sat down, his thighs are right to my face. Those muscular thighs, my eyes trail upwards. His body, I sway my eyes from side to side, those strong arms, that chiseled jaw, that familiar brown, silky hair.
That face.
Everything seems brand new. And I can’t breathe.
“Ki-,” I clear my throat. “Professor.” I breath.
“Hazel Sumrs I need you in my office, now.” Killian says, looking down at . Having his body indirectly tower over mine is alarming. His tone does not scream ‘defy ’, nor does those eyes. I swallow.
He asked this in public on purpose. Declining this would be wrong and suspicious, right?
“I,” I swallow. “Is there anything wrong, sir?” I nearly choke on my own voice.
“You’ll know in my office.” His eyes lock with mine. “And don’t even think about avoiding it.” He turns away and heads out of the hall. I finally exhale.
“I think I should,” I start, referring to my friends.
Nat nods. “Yeah, you should. That call seed like trouble.”
A lump forms in my throat. She has no idea what kind of trouble it is. I carry my bag and hang it over my shoulder while leaving. I don’t know why. . . I shake my head, maybe I do know why he called , I just don’t know what to expect. He hadn’t reached out to since that day. Not even once. It was understandable yet painful yet now he requests my presence?
I can’t think of what to expect.
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