- KILLIAN -
I stare at the bed long enough to study her response to things. Hazel’s eating her fourth bagel while, not sothing I agree with, brushing her hair. She’s also watching a sitcom on the tv.
After last night, the disturbance which forced her to wake up, I’m just letting her do her thing to forget about it. I am curious though and my curiosity needs to be fed, which is one of the reasons I’m waiting for the right ti to ask.
Hazel munches on the bagel. My eyes rest on the plate on her thighs filled with it. I can’t understand how soone can eat a lot of bagels in a go but I don’t really think I should have a say in what soone chooses to eat. What actually bothers is that she’s snacking on my bed and I detest that with my every being yet I’m being ta because it’s her.
With her, it’s okay. It’s bearable. I let out a sigh and wait for her to chew till she’s done eating that bagel. Hazel feeds herself to a glass of juice by my bed table then drops the plate of bagels on the bed table, clearing her throat as she claps her hand over the floor, outward of my bed before dusting the duvet to the floor as well. I feel my eye twitch but I don’t say a word. I take a deep breath, then slowly let it out.
She seems all settled now. I guess it’s ti to ask. “When are you going to tell ?” I question, staring right at her as I’ve always been.
Hazel reaches her hand forward, the one housing the remote, to pause the tv.
“Tell you what?” She asks so innocently.
How do I word it in a way that it won’t sound very brazen? “The content in your dream that got you triggered.” I utter. I nearly snickered under my breath. The content in your dream? Why does that sound funny even though it’s not.
Hazel drowns more juice down her throat. The excitent she had when she was snacking like a starved lion vanishes.
“Take your ti if you need it, I’m not in a rush. I just want to understand you so I can take better care of you, darling.” I murmur calmly. It’s true. Sotis, triggering dreams are a result of sothing bothering soone in real life. If that’s the case this ti, in order for to pinpoint exactly what’s going on with her, I need to know. If it’s in my power, I’ll limit every access to whatever it is plaguing her so it’s easier to sleep. One thing I fear she’ll have is reoccurring nightmares. I don’t want to see her that frightened ever again.
“If you must know,” She starts. “It started with walking. . .” Hazel takes a deep breath. She lets out a sigh. “Down a path at night. I wasn’t with. . . . Um. . .”
“It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it.”
“No, it’s fine, this part is not,” Her gaze lingers into my eyes like she was searching for the right word. “Triggering.” She emphasised. This makes a half smile form on my face.
“There was no form of light. It was getting confusing. That’s why I called out to the person I set out to et in the first place.”
Oh? I lean forward on my seat, resting both my elbows on my thighs as my fingers intercross, looking closely at her.
“She launched at . Beating to a pulp till I couldn’t feel,” Hazel gulps. “And see my own skin.”
Shit. From every single thing Hazel and I have experienced together, I know she’s not a fan of gore or torture in any way. It’s one of the reasons I’ve chosen to hide who I am from her. I don’t want her knowing I’ve murdered countless people in grueso ways known to man. I don’t want her to get frightened of . I dread the thought of her seeing blood in my hands and running away from . But worst of all, I genuinely sympathise with her having to watch herself suffer that way, even if it was a dream.
“After hitting on ever possible wall. . .” She clears her throat. “And landing a few kicks on my feeble body, Asami shot a bullet in my head.”
“Asami?” I call out.
Hazel’s eyes widens for a second. She instantly looks away, violently twisting her fingers against her palm while feasting on her lower lip with her teeth. She doesn’t want to answer. I can tell she let the na slip out accidentally so I don’t bother to push further.
At least now I have a na. Asami’s brain needs to be rewired, physically if I must.
“I need you to know,” I get up from my seat. “That you can tell anything anyti regardless of the situation or supposed consequences.” I get on the bed with her. I’m not a fan of laying on the sa sheets that previously had food eaten on them but today, I’ll make an exception. I sit by her side. “Your man is a very powerful man, Hazel and he’ll never let anything bad happen to you.” I pull her into my body for a warm clasp. “I’ll never leave you to go through sothing terrifying alone and I’ll never let anyone hurt you.” Even though I regret it a million tis leaving you alone for two weeks. My jaw tightens.
Please, let atone for my sins and let not a finger on her body get touched. I hate that Asami got to her when I was away and I hate that she’s done sothing to leave Hazel terrified. I already know it’s her since Hazel ntioned her na. Asami will get what’s coming to her, soon enough.
“I’m sorry you had to see yourself like that.” I finally say. Patting her back gently.
“It’s fine. The good thing about it is I get to held in your arms.” Hazel looks up to face then rests her head back on my chest. How can she say sothing this sweet while not being in the right state of mind right now?
I let my finger cup her cup, titling her head up. “I’m sorry.” I say.
“For what?” Her voice is soft like a whisper.
“For not knowing what’s been going on with you and leaving you to face it on your own.” I kiss her forehead, pulling her to tighter.
“It’s okay.” Hazel mutters. “You can’t know what’s you weren’t told.” She says. Technically, she hasn’t really given a valid explanation but a na is a start. The best start to her honest.
My fingers thread through her hair. It’s silky and soft. “Want to continue your movie?”
“That’ll be nice, yes.” She giggles.
“Have at it then.” I say, grabbing the remote to play the show.
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