- HAZEL -
My fingers are itchy. I’ve been scratching the back of my palm throughout this whole ride that it’s starting to twinge.
I finally decide to stop before the scratch turns into little sores across my skin and now, I’m biting my fingernails instead.
I am so freaking pissed. Every ti my mind goes back to what happened in his place, my body fus. Anger surges all around my body. I get consud by it and I’ve been taking it on the back of my palm.
This is not , I’m not soone to self hurt when I’m angry, but sohow, he’s got hurting myself. Again.
Caro- no, Asami. Fucking Asami is her na!! I take a deep breath, trying not to escalate this burning feeling within myself. I try to calm down.
Every ti I think about what she said, how quiet Killian was and how she acted like having broken fragnts of fine porcelain all around her and probably in her skin didn’t faze a thing still gets on my nerves.
Knowing she’s probably still in his place pisses off. Knowing everything I thought I knew about her was wrong makes my skin crawl in the worst possible way.
Knowing Killian didn’t chase after . . . Despite telling him not to. . . I take a deep breath, . . . Fueled my rage.
I have never been filled with such unhealthy rage and disgust in my life before. Not even with Ivy. Not even against Tristan.
At least, back then, I could sleep with the next man I found, but now. . . Even with the freedom and option to do so, I can’t.
I choose to believe he won’t cheat on and never did. I choose to believe there is an explanation to all of this that I’m unaware of. I choose to not let my feelings get the best of even if it cos to the worst and he did in fact, as hard as it is to even think about, have an affair with soone else while whispering the sa words of love he whispered to into her ears. . . .
I shut my eyes, folding my fist as the thought plagues my mind. I sigh.
. . . even if he did, I couldn’t bring myself to do sothing that daunting for revenge. Because he has ruined and I’m sure he knows just how much of ruin he has caused that I can’t get him out of my head. That no man would ever be seen as fit in my eyes anymore.
I focus my rage on my lower lip by biting it. I hate that I feel this way.
My hand lands ferociously on the car door and I whimper, imdiately squeezing it in my other hand. Okay, that hurt. That’s enough self harm for the day. I say to myself before looking at the mirror to see the dwindling, confused glances of Ahd.
I an, I hit his car this hard with my fist so of course he’s more worried about his car. This makes chuckle under my breath.
I’d actually give the sa look to soone who tries to damage my car due to whatever emotion they’re passing through. I an, I don’t care what you’re going through, leave the car alone, it didn’t hurt you.
“Sorry about your car.” I say, blowing air on my fist. I think it’s going to swell if I don’t massage it soon with an ointnt. “I thought I saw a mosquito.” I laugh under my breath. That was supposed to be funny but he’s not smiling.
Ahd flashes a snare from the mirror then averts his gaze. Okay, I’ll be sure to give you a low rating on uber before you do it to . I roll my eyes and stare out the window.
I wonder where Killian is. I wonder what he’s doing right now. I sigh, leaning my head on the window. My upper eyelid squeeze tightly on my lower eyelid.
This is when a sob leaves my lips and tears start to roll down my cheeks. My eyes co open and I sigh, crying silently. I’ve held it in long enough. Everything sucks and everything is driving crazy yet there’s no one to talk to. No one at all.
My palm squeezes harder on my aching fist. I see my hand reddening due to the tight grip. I just wish sothing could take the pain I’m feeling away. Anything at all.
“We’re here.” Ahd’s voice jerks out of my thoughts.
Right.
I wipe the tears across my face and sniff, trying to firming my appearance. My eyes land on my laptop and the wallet by my side. I grab them both.
“How much?” I ask Ahd, holding Killian’s wallet out. He’s got a lot of money, paying for this won’t hurt him in the slightest.
Ahd shows the price and holds out a pos. I tap Killian’s card on it.
“Keep the receipt. Thank you.” I say and get down from the car. While out, I take another deep breath. I swear, hell will co loose if I see Asami here.
After taking my ti to get my thoughts together, I make my way into my dorm. I’ve never hoped for my roommates to be quiet in the room now more than ever. I just hope there’s soone awake who can help treat my swelling hand.
I push the door leading to my room open and step in. Everyone is still on their beds. Last night must’ve really done a number on them. “Thank you Savory.” I whisper and she stretches her arm forward and holds her thumb up. I walk to my side of the room and drop my laptop on my bed then go to my drawer to look for an ointnt. The only one I have here is Killian’s. It gives a cooling sensation when it touches my skin so as much as I want to throw it away, I need it. Just the way I need him.
Why didn’t he co for ?! I unplug my phone from the wall and take my charger away from the socket then climb my bed. I switch on my phone then proceed to massage my fist myself. The sting is a bitch.
My phone finally cos on. I assu I left my data turned on last night or I’m connected to WiFi because the ssage notifications dropping all at once non stop are insane. I wait for the nurous notifications dings to co to an end before looking at my cell.
One ssage makes my brows crease, forming the ugliest frown I’ve ever made since the history of man. It’s Killian’s ssage.
It reads; I’m outside your dorm. Please et outside.
I scoff. He wishes. Him coming here was the biggest mistake he could’ve thought of because believe it or not, he’s my professor but of course that’s not the only thing he forgets to rember. I’m sure he forgot to tell he knows Asami too. But why does my heart feel so sort of relief knowing he’s here? I don’t know but it feels nice that he ca. It’s warming to think about.
Another ssage drops. ‘I’m not leaving until I speak to you.’
Is that a threat?
I hold my phone with one hand and respond to him.
‘I don’t want to see you. Go ho.’ I text and drop my phone back.
A ssage drops in imdiately. ‘With all due respect, Hazel, if you don’t co out I will go in there and drag you out till we have a conversation. Give a chance to talk.’
I exhale, taking a good look at his ssage. The last thing I want is for him to barge in here. I doubt he even knows my room number. I hold my phone in my hand and drop the ointnt. Deep down, I know I want to talk to him.
‘Sure. But you’d have to wait for to get ready, no matter how long I take.’
‘Be my guest.’ Killian responds.
This makes a smile form on my face. Oh for sure, Killian, I’ve got all day to do nothing. Let’s see how long you can go.
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